Tending Your Garden

Have you ever spent time with a friend and walked away feeling like your cup was overflowing? You felt encouraged, seen, energized, and grateful for the time together.

On the other hand, have you ever left a conversation feeling completely drained? Sometimes it's not even what was said. It's the attitude, the criticism, the subtle comments, or simply the emotional weight someone carries that leaves you feeling exhausted.

One of the hardest parts of my recovery was learning to set boundaries and express my needs. I remember telling my therapist that I was "spineless" because it felt easier to avoid conflict than to speak up.

Of course, it wasn't actually easier. If it had been, I probably wouldn't have found myself in eating disorder recovery.

As I began reflecting on my relationships, I noticed a pattern. Certain people consistently left me feeling anxious, inadequate, or emotionally depleted. Others made me feel lighter, stronger, and more like myself.

When I shared this realization with trusted friends, I learned something that changed my perspective: relationships don't have to be this hard. While every relationship has challenges, you are not meant to spend your life walking on eggshells. You do not have to be a doormat to be kind.

I invite you to take a gentle inventory of your own relationships, including the people you follow online.

Ask yourself:

• Do they leave me feeling inspired or discouraged?

• Do they encourage honesty and growth, or comparison and self-doubt?

• Do I leave feeling hopeful...or feeling "less than"?

  
  

I like to think of this process as tending my garden.

A healthy garden requires both nurturing and pruning. We water the flowers that bring beauty and life, and we pull the weeds that steal nutrients from everything else. Our relationships deserve the same attention.

The biggest surprise?

One of the largest weeds in my own garden wasn't another person.

It was my inner critic.

That voice constantly questioned whether I was good enough, smart enough, disciplined enough, or worthy enough. It narrated my life with criticism I would never dream of directing toward someone I loved.

Eventually, I had a heart-to-heart with myself.

I realized I had a choice.

I could stay small, trapped inside fear and perfectionism, or I could step outside my comfort zone, take healthy risks, make mistakes, and approach life with curiosity instead of criticism.

Recovery didn't silence my inner critic overnight.

But little by little, I learned to turn down its volume and turn up the voice of compassion.

If you're working toward healing, remember this:

Tend your garden with intention.

Water the relationships that help you grow.

Pull the weeds that keep you stuck.

And above all, speak to yourself with the same kindness you so freely offer everyone else.

You deserve that kindness, too.