Words Can Kill

Podcast Episode Title:Words can kill

Welcome back to Freedom to Nourish, where we challenge diet culture, redefine wellness, and work toward making peace with food—and with ourselves.

Today’s episode is something I’ve been holding close to my heart for a while: the importance of moving away from focusing on physical appearance—ours and others’.

We live in a culture that’s obsessed with how we look. Compliments are handed out for weight loss like candy. Social media filters erase our pores and our wrinkles. Aging is treated like a disease. And bodies—especially women’s bodies—are constantly under surveillance.

And I want to say: Enough.

Because you are so much more than a body. So much more than your weight, your waistline, your wrinkles, or your workout routine. Your worth is not in how you look. It never was.

What Happens When We Make Appearance the Focus?

Let’s start here: what happens when we make physical appearance the focus of our conversations, our compliments, and our identity?

Here’s what I’ve seen:When we compliment someone solely on their weight loss or appearance, we might mean well—but we’re reinforcing a message that their value is in their body.Even worse? We have no idea what’s behind the weight loss. It could be an eating disorder, depression, grief, illness, a loss of appetite from chemotherapy. And suddenly we’re praising their suffering.

Let that sink in.

I once had someone compliment me when I was in the absolute depths of my eating disorder. I was dangerously underweight, malnourished, and emotionally exhausted. But I was getting compliments like, “You look amazing.” “You have such will power”   “You have such discipline”.    I didn’t feel amazing. I felt like I was disappearing and as I was disappearing, these comments made me feel like I was only valued for my appearance, discipline.   They literally fed the disorder when I wasn’t feeling myself.   And those comments kept me trapped.

We need to ask ourselves: Are we feeding someone’s pain when we compliment their body?

You Are Not a Before and After

This world loves a transformation story, doesn’t it? The before-and-after photo. The makeover. The glow-up.But here's the truth: you are not a project.You are not a “before” waiting to become an “after.”

And by the way—those “afters” are often Photoshopped, filtered, and staged.They’re not real.

We’re living in an era where even our natural skin texture, body shape, or signs of aging are erased with the swipe of a finger or a face-tuning app. The message is: Your real self isn’t good enough.

But it is. It always was.

 Aging Is Not a Flaw

Let’s talk about aging.Somehow, in a culture that should respect wisdom, life experience, and personal growth, we’ve been taught that getting older is shameful.

Wrinkles? Hide them.Gray hair? Cover it.Sagging skin? Fix it.

But aging means we’re alive. It means we’ve lived. We’ve loved. We’ve grown.I want to live in a world where laugh lines are honored, not erased.Where we say, “Look at what I’ve survived,” not “Look at how well I hide it.”

You do not owe the world a younger version of yourself.

What We Can Say Instead

If we stop focusing on looks… what do we focus on?

Let me offer you some alternatives.

Instead of:👉 “You look so skinny!”Try: “You seem really energized.”👉 “You’ve lost weight!”Try: “It’s so great to see you smile.”

We can say:🟢 “I love your laugh.”🟢 “You make people feel welcome.”🟢 “I admire your strength.”🟢 “Your joy is contagious.”🟢 “I’m proud of how you’ve grown.”

Because those are the things that matter.The things that last.The things that make us feel seen—not scanned.

Healing Means Shifting the Conversation

If you’re in recovery, or trying to redefine your relationship with your body, one of the most healing things you can do is shift your own internal dialogue.

When you walk past a mirror, instead of saying “Ugh,”Try asking: What is my body allowing me to do today?

Instead of focusing on your thighs, focus on your courage.Instead of worrying about wrinkles, focus on your compassion.

And know this: You don’t have to love your body to respect it.Body neutrality—honoring what your body does instead of what it looks like—is a powerful place to start.

Closing Thoughts:

You are more than a body.You are a friend, a leader, a listener, a teacher, a healer, a survivor, a creative force, a source of joy.

And you deserve to live a life where your worth is not weighed, measured, filtered, or judged.

So let’s stop commenting on bodies.Let’s start connecting through kindness, curiosity, and presence.

Let’s redefine what beauty means—and realize it has nothing to do with size, shape, or symmetry.

Thank you for being with me today on Freedom to Nourish.If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to be reminded that they are enough—just as they are.

Until next time, remember:You were never meant to shrink to be seen.You were meant to take up space and shine.

Stay well, stay curious, and stay kind to yourself.